This last year this person had the privilege to have lived with a beautiful person. We were both raised on farms, lived a rural, outdoors life with no requirement for medical attention other than the usual tetanus shots, and we equally loved our photography.
Recently, an incident occurred that this fit, healthy, vivacious woman incurred a cancerous sentence, that metastasised with the resultant treatments, consequential side effects, life limitations… basically a long, slow, painful and sickening trip through hell, purgatory until the pearly gates she went toward the end of August.
Months living with her, sharing life’s stories, but mainly listening, helping, being there, someone as white noise in an otherwise silent hut. The sadness, the silent tears ever-increasing, all senses awake for the nightmares, the feeling of the end of life approaching on top of everything or even anything this person was experiencing; medically.
With the focus being so totally on her these last few weeks, now… the dam has broken. Tears are no longer silent; alone, the sanded eyes leak, have leaked since alone the long-suppressed pains and stiffnesses are awakening. Thankfully the next rheumy visit is but days away. Hopefully, enough leaking will have occurred prior to returning to work tomorrow.
Yesterday, for my ever-patient beautiful wife’s treat, we went image hunting to new locations, in the truly beautiful light that can only occur through a winter’s changeable four seasons in a day type of day. Yesterday this person gifted her a National Park’s waterfall.
One that is internationally famous, one that turned out to be full of twists and turns, (and that’s not just the short walk through the alpine scrub); yet full of dynamics and colour, icy cold and yet being there, with her, feeling the icy spray while admiring the spray induced rainbow was pure therapy.
Yesterday we went across the road to the east, to a snow-capped Forest Park, where she experienced life in a sea of beaches. There was the beautiful natural silence, that can only occur in our bush. Gee, it’s so tough trying to see through sand in the eyes. The tui were abundant, and the fat kereru were equally so, flying in front of, behind and overhead all the time we were there.
For now just for her, for being there for this person while all this was alive, the world that this person would love to give, this person can only give her the world that is special and as needs must some dreams must remain furled until the right winds arrive. Our love is and remains eternally spliced.
This last year has been so full of emotion, mostly kept inside, onboard, always silent. Keeping the strength alive to rise above her, and this self’s pain and sufferings have been so tough words may not be justice.
For the love of others, we do what we can, when we can and as much or even more than we ought to be able. Yes, maybe work did suffer, yet.
Hopefully, for my wife, our love may be stronger, certainly appreciating her more for her strength and her love for this person.
Grief can be a motivator to enjoy what we can, while we can, with loved ones and friends.
To rise above what we are capable of,
to rise above ourselves . . . above who we are, now, and to what we could be
to enter into ventures, to adventure
to make memories while we can, for when we can’t that is all we’ll have
to respect, appreciate those about us, especially those closest
to expand and grow, wherever and whenever we can, in whatever, and every way possible, all while helping others achieve theirs.
This entire blog entry has been inspired by listening to the The Cutting Crew, live in concert, at Rockpalast 2007 and Simple Minds live in Edinburg 2015, especially Don’t you forget about me, and Crowded House final concert at Sydney Opera House, particularly Don’t Dream it’s Over.
These bands and their fans all dreamt, lived, and expanded each and all their horizons.
Hoping you all enjoy your time this weekend and upcoming. May you find your solutions forthcoming in whatever form you need.
Until next…We shall remember the joy of just being there.
